Live without pretending

Snippets from our day...
-By the end of the day today, I had chocolate on my shoulder from consoling one sad little girl. My hair never got done. I didn't get to shower and my feet are black.
-For over half of the day there was jam everywhere you looked in my kitchen.
-Now there are 13 jars of jam waiting to be put away just sitting on my counter.
-One little girl stayed in her pajamas all day.
-Until she ran around outside without her shirt on because her brothers were.
-And then she ditched the shorts too.
-That same little girl had bloody toes from refusing to wear her shoes outside.
-One little boy went through 3 outfits because he got all of them wet playing with the hose that he wasn't supposed to be playing with.
-That same little boy had to be spanked today and cried himself to sleep.
-We cleaned up ALL the toys in the playroom twice.
-While mowing the lawn, I had to stop no less than 50 times for various things... a crying little girl, stuck fingers, a story about what happened at school, flip flops that kept appearing in my path, rocks that had been dumped in the grass out of one little boy's favorite yellow dump truck, fire ant bites, praises for tree climbing, a pair of glasses that were about to get broke, tricks on the tramp, arguments, etc
-One not-so-little-anymore boy ripped some newish pants while climbing trees. But he also got much higher than ever before.
-That same boy got to feel his baby brother kick today.
-I am on day 4 of NO yelling.
-Our little miss fell down the stairs again.
-The little boy also put two holes in two different screens.
-We ate dinner outside. Sitting on the cement. With filthy hands. While attempting to have a belated FHE.
-My pregnant brain didn't put the butter dish back where it goes and now it's completely lost.
-There was a little bum crack poking out at me while a little boy bent over to look at bugs and search for a 'really huge snake' that he was sure he saw hiding by a tree.
-My butt went numb sitting on the floor waiting for somebody to go to sleep.
-Soccer has taken over our life and has resulted in canceled dates and temple plans twice now.
-My 'spotless yesterday' house is... not so spotless anymore.
-The clothes hamper is full again. It's only been 2 days.
-I had a tiny foot or hand jabbing me in one specific spot all. day. long.
I'm exhausted. But I'm keeping it in perspective. Because all of these little things are what make us us. And they are my life.
Yah. My life is a BEAUTIFUL MESS. And I kind of love it.

Miss AJ

What can I say about this beautiful little girl? She has brought such joy to our entire family when I didn't think there was more to be had. Her brothers LOVE her, her daddy is COMPLETELY smitten, and her mommy is having the time of her life dressing up this little angel. And to add to it, she's now coo-ing and grinning from ear to ear at anybody that walks by. We just can't get enough of her.

Pictures soon!

Reflection

Yesterday I spent most of the day just fighting back tears.  As I was cleaning my kitchen for what seemed like the umpteenth time in the last week, I was starting to lose the battle with these blasted emotions. 
And then I...
- Looked up at this sweet face waiting so patiently in his high chair for me to wash his hands.

 -Remembered my resolve to make sure my attitude was one that my Father in Heaven would be pleased with. One that I would want my children to imitate on a regular basis.
-Thought about the service, however small, I've been able to render recently.
-Smiled at the good report I received from Tayvin's teacher today.
-Heard my husband coming down the stairs and thought about how grateful I am that we got to eat dinner with him.
-Heard music in the background and let myself sing.
-Felt the warmth on my feet and was overwhelmed with gratitude for a warm home.
-Felt one tiny baby kick my bladder and ran to the bathroom grateful for running water.

And again, I was amazed. Amazed by the blessings in my life, the fact that my entire evening was changed by a few moments of reflection, and how much my Father in Heaven loves me.

My Tahn Man

This little guy is going to get the best of me... he's such a little funny monkey. Literally. He's a monkey. Here are just a few of the things I love about him....

• He thinks he can walk on window sills.
• When he goes down the stairs he puts his feet down then spreads his body out and slides down as fast as possible.
• He knows what a ghost, horse, cow, and dog say. But the funny part is that he does all the noises with his mouth completely closed.
• He consistently uses/says more, please, and done correctly.
• He says da-da, brother, Tayvin, out, mommy, uh-uh, and grandpa.
• He takes his pants off after he poops EVERYTIME.
• When he blows kisses, he covers the bottom half of his face.
• He will do absolutely anything for his idol Tayvin.
• He folds his hands, half-way bows his head, and tries to say amen when we pray.
• Nobody can make him laugh like his daddy.
• He is FULL of grins when I go get him out of his crib.
• He tries to carry on conversations.
• He gets so proud of himself for standing on his own and throws his hands up in the air.
• When he's tired, he crawls upstairs, tries to crawl into his crib, and puts himself to sleep.
• He says yay when we go outside.  

I. LOVE. THIS. KID.

These poor, poor children.

Perhaps this is something I need to get used to but I feel SO sorry for Tahn and this baby. Tahn just doesn't get a whole lot of attention, has to grow up sooner, and is going to be the middle child. :( And this baby? Honestly, I'm so incredibly busy and overwhelmed that days go by without me even thinking about being pregnant. So... this is a post JUST for the baby. I just want to actually document that I'm pregnant. :) Tahn's will come soon.

-18 weeks
- 0 lbs gained, 5 lost
-I'm still sick often and rarely feel like eating. (SO different from my other pregnancies. :D)
-I get 4-5 headaches a week that just don't seem to be curable. Lucky for me, my Dr told me to try tylenol with caffeine this week to see if that will help. So I felt no guilt going to buy a 2 liter of my new love, cherry coke. But wouldn't you know, I haven't had a headache since. It sits in my pantry. Just waiting.
-Tayvin still doesn't really believe that I'm pregnant. He keeps saying my belly isn't big. :) See why I love this kid?
-We will find out in 2 1/2 weeks what the gender is. I hope for Tayvin's sake it's a girl.
-I feel the baby move often and Nate has felt it a couple times but it's still fairly weak.

SUCH an exciting post, I know. Perhaps in a few weeks it'll get more exciting....

13 miles and counting...

One day I hope to write a more lengthy, detailed version of this post but for now, since I'm on borrowed time, this will have to do.
It's been almost two weeks since we completed our half marathon and the euphoria still hasn't worn off.
I was a couple months pregnant and just getting into running again when I decided I would need a goal to get me back on track after I had the baby. Long story short, we ended up at Bear Lake on June 12th ready to run just over 13 miles. Ok, ready may be a bit of an overstatement. We really hadn't trained very consistently, I was throwing up the day before and had the worst stomach cramps I've ever experienced, and it was rainy. 
I had two goals for the race:
-finish under 3 hours (which is an immense amount of time, I realize. Please don't make fun of me.)
-run the entire way-NO WALKING!
 I DID IT!
I don't expect you to be as excited as I am about it. Heck, you don't even have to read this post if you don't want to. But I would suggest something like this to ANYONE. Aside from childbirth I've never done anything more enabling. Since I had Tahn, I've been toying with the idea of having my next baby without any medication since that's actually an option for me now. But honestly, I wasn't sure I could do it. After finishing that race, still standing, and thinking I could have made myself run a few more miles, I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. So if you happen to be looking for a little inspiration in your life, I recommend 13 miles and then some. :) For us, there will be many, many more.

P.S. Shot blocks are AMAZING. In case you were wondering.
P.P.S. And even more amazing is my sweet, sweet husband who slowed down so he could push me the entire way. Thanks Babe!

The Truth.

We were talking to some friends the other night about blogs and our own blogging.  They mentioned how it's frustrating to them that many people paint their lives as near perfect when they blog. I'm all for counting blessings and trying to look on the positive side but I think they have a point in that it seems like some are trying to deceive. So just in case you were wondering...

• My house is often messy. I try to keep it clean and for the most part it's fairly organized. But there is usually stuff on my counter, I almost always need to vacuum, and you can pretty much bet there are toys on the floor.
• I don't make Tayvin's bed everyday.
• Tayvin's chore list often goes untouched for weeks at a time.
• I make dinner most nights and try to cook healthy but I also like to bake and I LOVE SWEETS!
• We are poor.
• As much as I love making and fixing things up, if I could, I would buy new things instead of refinishing book cases, etc.
• I don't shop at boutiques because I can't afford them.
• As much as I hate waiting in check-out lanes at Walmart, I still shop there because I refuse to spend double on cleaning products.
• I DO NOT work out everyday.
• Date night usually doesn't happen in our house.
• I don't wake up to make Nate's lunch at 5:30 am.
• If we're not leaving the house, Tayvin's hair doesn't get combed.
• Sometimes we stay in our pajamas until just before Nate gets home.
• I don't really use cloth diapers to be green.  Mostly I do it to save money.
• There are plenty of days that go by that I choose to read my own book instead of reading to my kids.
• Sometimes I'm just too lazy to have veggies with our lunch.
• I still have some V-day decorations out.
• We can barely walk in the basement because I have so many projects in the works and I just haven't organized it in awhile.
• I try to be supportive but the thought of Nate going back to school still makes me want to cry.
• I am currently eating Muddy Buddies for breakfast.
• I'm too lazy to use coupons.
• Sometimes I choose to read a novel instead of the Ensign.
• Sometimes I hate the sacrifices we are making in order to make our future goals.

There you have it, the truth. Come back soon for pics of our trip to Alaska if you still care to associate with us. :)

• Oh, but the most important truth, we love our little family and are happy with our lives.

Seriously Hillarious

We are currently enjoying the cold and beautiful Alaska but I thought I'd drop in to tell you this....

The day before we left Tahnyon had Tayvin laughing so hard he peed his pants. Seriously. I thought it was pretty much the greatest thing ever. :)

3+1=Us

I always have the best of intentions. When I was pregnant with Tayvin, I started a journal for him. I wasn’t the best at writing in it but I wrote about how I found out I was pregnant, how I told Nate, the day we found out his gender, his birth story, etc, etc. I intended to do one of these journals for each of my kids. One day I did go look for a journal for Tahnyon but they didn’t have one I liked. That’s as far as it ever went. Thus, the blog. So here’s the birth story for Tahn’s digital journal…



September 5th- lots of contractions. Went camping. Rode in my dad’s truck. Was absolutely sure I would be having that baby in the tent after the bumpy ride up. Fail.

September 6th- Started to feel uncomfortable thanks to the beach ball under my shirt and decided I wouldn’t mind having the baby come out sometime. (Let’s just say that up until this point, I was perfectly happy being pregnant.)

September 11th- due date.

Canning peaches and decided to make Nate a fresh peach pie. I figured 1 of 2 things would happen. Either I would go into labor because there was a fresh peach pie beckoning to me and I wouldn’t be able to eat it OR I wouldn’t go into labor but then I would have a fresh peach pie to console me. Sure enough, contractions began. They were about 6 minutes apart so we decided to go walk to see if they would increase or decrease. They increased. We waited. And waited. I really didn’t want to go the hospital to have them quit like they did with Tayv. Called my mom and had her meet us in Salt Lake to pick up Tayv. Pain. Arrived at the hospital around midnight. Of course, because we decided to go the hospital, the contractions stopped. Well, they didn’t stop per se; they just weren’t doing much for me. Tahnyon got grounded till he’s 27 and they sent me home.

September 12th-We went up to Kamas to pick up Tayv from Mom & Dad’s and hung out for the rest of the day. I was a bit depressed. Meanwhile, I’m still having contractions pretty regularly. We decided to leave Tayv there so my parents wouldn’t have to drive down again to pick him up.

September 13th-Nate made me breakfast to eat on our deck and we played cards for awhile. 1 pm-show up to church to discover we had missed Stake conference. Went for a drive. Nate made me go on a 4 mile walk. There was a little running involved towards the end. Labor begins! I didn’t sleep much that night but told Nate to go in to work for half a day. He refused.

September 14th-Finally get out of bed at 6 because there is no sleeping going on. (From me, not Nate.) Shower. Start laundry. Go downstairs to do dishes. Water breaks. I think. Change laundry. Wait awhile to tell Nate my water broke because he’s on the phone. Finish packing bag. Refuse Nate’s insistence to go to hospital immediately because I need to finish laundry. Make bed. Clean bathroom. Make Tayv’s bed. Change laundry. Finally admit that perhaps now is a good time. Contractions 2 minutes apart. Again, pain.

10:30-arrive at hospital. Amazing the difference in treatment you receive when you tell them your water broke.

Talk to nurse. Test to make sure it really was my water that broke. Meconium in fluid. Still only 2 cm. Dr orders pitocin. Stacia orders epidural. Sweet relief. Oh, how I love catheters. Nate watches football.

12 pm- baby’s heartbeat starts dropping. Internal monitor. Oxygen mask. Sudoku. Football. Chick flicks.

2 pm- 4 cm. Epidural starts to wear off. More juice. Nate gets to go eat but is instructed to not come back smelling like food because I’m starving.

5 pm-6 cm. Nurse informs me she’s leaving at 7 but wants to see my baby so it would be great if I could hurry it along. :) We loved our nurse. I know how to work under pressure.

6 pm-pretty sure I need to push. Nurse checks- 10 cm. Call the Dr. Waiting. Waiting.

7 pm- practice push. Instructed to not push anymore until the dr. is there-baby’s too close.

7:40-Dr.Hinson arrives and preps. Disgusting details. Monitors removed.

7:50- Push 1, push 2, push 3. Successful VBAC. 

My sweet baby!
I can't wait to do it again. Seriously.
(On his way out, he grabbed onto the scissors. It took 3 sets of hands to remove his iron grip on them. 8 months later, he’s still like that.)

Minutes old...

Tayv meeting his 'little buddy'...

First family picture...

My life, my joy, my everything...

Oh how I love this sweet thing...

Such a happy (and seriously hot) daddy...

Ready to go home...

My life is changed forever.

These two just can't get enough of each other. They're hooked.

This is what we usually find at the end of a run...

(Look of "Um, mom-could you help me out here please?" always included.)

Until daddy walks by. Then it's all smiles...

The Duo

My brother and his wife had their first baby girl 4 months after Tayvin was born. Their second was born 10 days after Tahnyon. Only time will tell if Tahn & RyElle will be as inseperable as their older siblings, Tayvin and Toshlyn.

Prayer time...

2 years ago in Alaska...

Overheard-Good Cook

I frequently hear from Tayvin things like, "Mom, this is delicious! Thank you so much for making dinner." "Wow, mom, thanks for making us such good food." Etc.Etc.
Pretty sure today was one of my favorites though, "Wow Mom! You're a really good chef. I wish my mouth was really big."

:D

Overheard-Knees

"Mom, look! Tahnyon & I have knees on our hands!"

(Have I ever told you how much I love this kid?)

Overheard-You can be a Doctor

Background-
   Nate's brother is finishing up his rotations and will be graduating as a PA this summer. So when Tayv's ears were killing him, we had Mo look at them to make sure that it was, in fact, his cavity causing the pain. Tayv being the little know-it-all he is, informed me that Uncle Mo couldn't look at his ears because "he's not a doctor."  I explained that he's going to school to become one and that when he's done with all his work, they'll give him a piece of paper saying that he can be a doctor.

So a few weeks ago, Tayvin discovered sticky notes. He thinks they're the greatest thing in the world! He was coloring on some while I was feeding the baby upstairs. Next thing I know, he hands me two sticky notes with 'writing' on them. He then informs me that the first one says, "Stacia, you can be a doctor." And the other one 'said,'  "You can be a missionary."  He gave some to Nate, too.  I love that he thinks missionaries are just as important as doctors.


And guess what... My baby sister gets back from her mission in New Zealand in 8 days!!! (Can't tell we're excited, though, can you?) 

I guess we'll try again.

Our Favorite pastime since Christmas...

CANNOT get enough of this sweet face.

Waiting to bowl...I wanted to get a picture of his inch long eye-lashes.

I'm not kidding. I measured them.

It just so happens that Nate decided he'd start reading OUR family journal right after I admited, in writing, that I don't like one of the church hymns. Now he says it's not ok to throw up in my mouth on the blog. So, in order to move it down the page a bit to make him happy- but not delete it, to make me happy, I figured I'd post pictures!

The angel baby...taken awhile ago.

Overheard-Prayers

Just like most everyone else on the planet, occasionally Tayvin gets a little redundant with his prayers. Usually it's something to the effect of "Thank you for our leaves and our trees and our grass and our broccolli. And for this family and for our babies."  So tonight when he and I were getting ready to pray he reminded me that he was going to be reverent and that I should too. I reminded him to make sure his prayer was thoughtful. So, this is how it began...
"Heavenly Father, thank you for this bed and this room. And for this prayer that mommy gave me permission to say."

Anyone else having a problem with the titles of their posts?
Anyway-MORE IMPORTANTLY...

A good friend of mine from high school and his wife are trying to adopt. We're trying to get the word out to as many people as possible in hopes that they will get a chance to become amazing parents, which I have no doubt they will be.  If anyone you know is contemplating adoption or knows of somebody that is, please check out their profile! There is a button on the side of my blog that links directly to it. There is nothing we love more than being parents and I want them to be able to experience that too.

Some days...

Most days I feel like I have things put together. Except when...
-I look around and discover that in less than 24 hours my house has gone from exceptionally clean for having two children 3 and under to piles everywhere you look.
-I take Tayvin to the dentist to find out we were actually supposed to be flossing his (incredibly soft) teeth and we will now have to put him under in order to fix his seven cavities!
-I clean out the fridge to discover food that has been in there for at least 2 months.
-I see that Tayvin's chore list I printed in November has 4 days filled out.
-I think about the 5 loads of laundry I just did 3 days ago and then think about the 5 I have to do tomorrow.
-I look at the bathtub.
-I think of hospital bills.
-I look in the mirror.
-I look at my bank account.
-I go to my basement.
-I try to find something in my basement.
-I look at my inbox that now holds over 2500 unread email messages.
-I hear my child crying in bed because he doesn't want to go to sleep by himself tonight.
-I mourn the loss of the race I SO wanted to run this year.

And then feel like maybe I am doing something right when...
-I look at the pictures on the wall of my healthy, happy, beautiful children.
-I peek into the nursery to see my angel baby wrapped up and sleeping peacefully.
-I think of the laughter and smiles I was treated with from both of my sweet boys today.
-I realize how blessed I am to have insurance.
-I think of what my amazing husband said to me yesterday.
-I remember that everything we have, we have worked for.
-I think of our 401k (22% return this year, baby!)
-I think of all the unfortunate people who don't have homes to sleep in tonight while I am in my warm, beautiful home.
-I calculate the amount of money our education has cost us and how worth it every penny has been.
-I remember the feeling of contenment we have recognized almost on a daily basis.
-I attempt to calculate the value of being flexible and just choose a different race.
-I drink a glass of clean water, and know I can drink as much as I want.
-I remember that I am sealed to my family forever and nothing or nobody can take that away from me but me.