Excuse me, while I vomit.
Why you ask? Because, once again, I just realized what a huge thing it is that we're doing. Indulge me for just a minute... You know how after becoming a mother it randomly hits you every now and then that you are solely responsible for another human being. You. have. to. keep. them. alive! Most of the time you're good, just doing your thing, fulfilling responsibilities. Then when it hits, it hits like a ton of bricks. And you get light-headed. And want to cry. And you DO cry. And then you get sick and puke because you realize how big this responsibility really is. As if you haven't been doing exactly what it is that is scaring you. Well, that's what just happened to me. Again. You see, 2 weeks ago, out of the blue, we decided to up and move our family to North Carolina. A place where I had never been (and still haven't) and Nate has been to for 24 hours-just long enough to interview for a job. And we leave in 2 days. And Tayvin was supposed to start school yesterday but didn't. So he'll go to his first day of 1st grade in a strange state, strange school, with no friends. And he'll ride the bus for the first time knowing nobody. A school with no Chinese immersion program. And he'll eat lunch at school for the first time by himself. And when I think of that sweet boy (who is acting so brave about all of this) doing all of this alone, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry like a baby. (Which I did do, btw, for 2.5 hours.) And then I think of Tahnyon who is attatched to my dad at the hip. And he's so excited to move to "Nort Car-ca-yina" but has no idea what is coming... That he won't see his grandpa every few weeks anymore. That the horses will be fed without him. That his muddy 'moose boots' will have to relinquish their spot in grandpa's garage or stay there until they no longer fit his cute little/big feet. That the hook his cowboy hat hangs on will be empty for who knows how long. And then I do curl up in a ball. And then I think of Miss Arahlee-who just started calling Grandma "mah-ma" and riding with grandpa. I think of how much older she'll be before we can bring her back to visit. I think of SO many wonderful friends/neighbors/family that we are leaving behind....And then I do cry like a baby. Or vomit. :) But once all of that is out of my system: I think about the incredible opportunity this is going to be for Nate and the success I know he'll have, I think about all of the good I've heard about NC, the history sites that we're all dying to see, and the southern manners that my kids will be exposed to. I think of cute tiny southern drawls and the ethnic diversity that my children will grow up with. And I take a deep breath, get back to packing, and know that everything is going to be alright.