Live without pretending

Snippets from our day...
-By the end of the day today, I had chocolate on my shoulder from consoling one sad little girl. My hair never got done. I didn't get to shower and my feet are black.
-For over half of the day there was jam everywhere you looked in my kitchen.
-Now there are 13 jars of jam waiting to be put away just sitting on my counter.
-One little girl stayed in her pajamas all day.
-Until she ran around outside without her shirt on because her brothers were.
-And then she ditched the shorts too.
-That same little girl had bloody toes from refusing to wear her shoes outside.
-One little boy went through 3 outfits because he got all of them wet playing with the hose that he wasn't supposed to be playing with.
-That same little boy had to be spanked today and cried himself to sleep.
-We cleaned up ALL the toys in the playroom twice.
-While mowing the lawn, I had to stop no less than 50 times for various things... a crying little girl, stuck fingers, a story about what happened at school, flip flops that kept appearing in my path, rocks that had been dumped in the grass out of one little boy's favorite yellow dump truck, fire ant bites, praises for tree climbing, a pair of glasses that were about to get broke, tricks on the tramp, arguments, etc
-One not-so-little-anymore boy ripped some newish pants while climbing trees. But he also got much higher than ever before.
-That same boy got to feel his baby brother kick today.
-I am on day 4 of NO yelling.
-Our little miss fell down the stairs again.
-The little boy also put two holes in two different screens.
-We ate dinner outside. Sitting on the cement. With filthy hands. While attempting to have a belated FHE.
-My pregnant brain didn't put the butter dish back where it goes and now it's completely lost.
-There was a little bum crack poking out at me while a little boy bent over to look at bugs and search for a 'really huge snake' that he was sure he saw hiding by a tree.
-My butt went numb sitting on the floor waiting for somebody to go to sleep.
-Soccer has taken over our life and has resulted in canceled dates and temple plans twice now.
-My 'spotless yesterday' house is... not so spotless anymore.
-The clothes hamper is full again. It's only been 2 days.
-I had a tiny foot or hand jabbing me in one specific spot all. day. long.
I'm exhausted. But I'm keeping it in perspective. Because all of these little things are what make us us. And they are my life.
Yah. My life is a BEAUTIFUL MESS. And I kind of love it.

Keeping it real.

I finally went and bought a pair of pants yesterday. They're a size bigger. :(  But they're NOT maternity pants and my 'bread dough' is not hanging over the edge.(Sorry about the mental image.)  This last pregnancy continues to wreak havoc on me... medical bills, the cost of formula from loss of milk, headaches, and I won't even get started on my body.  But to be honest? I would do it a thousand times over to have this sweet, adorable, happy girl in our family. Even if she didn't sleep through the night.

Remember this?  I certainly do-it was the best mother's day I've ever had. I thought it a good idea to revisit the idea.

Clarity

There have been a few things that have happened within the last few months that spurred on my 'attitude thinking.'  A couple of which were major, life-changing boulders thrown into our path. Nate and I are planners. We don't just fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to our life plans. We've always felt like we needed to work hard, make a plan, and try to do what is right. Beyond that, if we're not headed in the direction we're supposed to be, the man upstairs will let us know.  And let us know He did. In very mind-boggling, blind siding ways that we never expected.  So we've had choices to make. Not so much choices about these changes but choices about how we're going to react.  I feel like some days we choose the better way and some days we fail miserably. We've also had friends and family members that have had issues come up. And it led me to thinking. Not just about how our attitudes affect outcome but also what determines our attitudes. Because let's face it, as much as we talk about having a better attitude, it's not always that easy. Some people are given great attitudes as a gift, some learn it while they're young, some work hard to obtain it, and some just don't care.  It occurred to me tonight one of the major factors of attitude: Entitlement. We all feel entitled to something. Some of us more or less than others. Some of us feel entitled to hand-outs, to work, to not work, to help, to happiness, to be miserable, to everything our parents have, and the list goes on.  But what really struck me is this: LIFE IS NOT MEANT TO BE EASY! Not only is life meant to be a learning experience, but it's meant to be hard. That is how we learn. The majority of our days should not automatically bring happiness. We are asked to work at it, to find happiness in small things, and to CHOOSE to be happy.  We are meant to sacrifice many things, to be tired at the end of the day, to feel sometimes like we're paddling upstream, and in the midst of all of this, recognize that we are learning, growing, and drawing nearer to the one who sacrificed everything for us. So right now, I'm okay that life isn't easy. I just may need to remind myself again tomorrow. :)

Reflection

Yesterday I spent most of the day just fighting back tears.  As I was cleaning my kitchen for what seemed like the umpteenth time in the last week, I was starting to lose the battle with these blasted emotions. 
And then I...
- Looked up at this sweet face waiting so patiently in his high chair for me to wash his hands.

 -Remembered my resolve to make sure my attitude was one that my Father in Heaven would be pleased with. One that I would want my children to imitate on a regular basis.
-Thought about the service, however small, I've been able to render recently.
-Smiled at the good report I received from Tayvin's teacher today.
-Heard my husband coming down the stairs and thought about how grateful I am that we got to eat dinner with him.
-Heard music in the background and let myself sing.
-Felt the warmth on my feet and was overwhelmed with gratitude for a warm home.
-Felt one tiny baby kick my bladder and ran to the bathroom grateful for running water.

And again, I was amazed. Amazed by the blessings in my life, the fact that my entire evening was changed by a few moments of reflection, and how much my Father in Heaven loves me.

Grateful

I've been thinking lately about how differently our attitudes affect the outcome of situations and how they affect our view on our lives. So I've been working on my attitude. :) Since I don't write in my journal, I'll be documenting here my feelings and most especially the things I'm grateful for...

Today, I am grateful for these sweet spirits that my Father in Heaven has entrusted me with and for all that I've learned from the amazing experience of being a mother.  I'm also grateful for the sweet baby that is on it's way to our family.