I am not a type A personality. But I definitely have some type A tendencies. Like planning and lists. I HAVE to plan. I haven't always been this way. I've always liked lists and I've always liked being in control (because, really, who doesn't?) But it really started once I had kids. You can't just up and leave for hours with kids. I guess you can but it's probably make many people miserable. Kids need naps. And food. And diaper changes. And routine.  Without a little bit of planning, they'll be missing out on at least one of those.  So.... I plan. And I make lists. And I schedule. And I have a routine.  And when one handsome man who makes decisions based off of everything BUT 'the plan' it makes me crazy. Not like I yell at him or start talking to myself. But I stew and wonder what will happen. And I have little patience for things that I can normally control.  So you can imagine how I'm functioning right now with things like this going on...

• We have slept in our own beds a total of maybe 10 times in the last month and a half.
• There has been talk about a new job opportunity (again) which would require putting the Masters Degree on hold..
• Tayv will be starting Kindergarten at a brand new school. Because it's a new school I won't find out about his schedule until right before he starts. As in, the night before.

I think the universe is trying to send me a message. Let go, Stacia. Just let go.

Clarity

There have been a few things that have happened within the last few months that spurred on my 'attitude thinking.'  A couple of which were major, life-changing boulders thrown into our path. Nate and I are planners. We don't just fly by the seat of our pants when it comes to our life plans. We've always felt like we needed to work hard, make a plan, and try to do what is right. Beyond that, if we're not headed in the direction we're supposed to be, the man upstairs will let us know.  And let us know He did. In very mind-boggling, blind siding ways that we never expected.  So we've had choices to make. Not so much choices about these changes but choices about how we're going to react.  I feel like some days we choose the better way and some days we fail miserably. We've also had friends and family members that have had issues come up. And it led me to thinking. Not just about how our attitudes affect outcome but also what determines our attitudes. Because let's face it, as much as we talk about having a better attitude, it's not always that easy. Some people are given great attitudes as a gift, some learn it while they're young, some work hard to obtain it, and some just don't care.  It occurred to me tonight one of the major factors of attitude: Entitlement. We all feel entitled to something. Some of us more or less than others. Some of us feel entitled to hand-outs, to work, to not work, to help, to happiness, to be miserable, to everything our parents have, and the list goes on.  But what really struck me is this: LIFE IS NOT MEANT TO BE EASY! Not only is life meant to be a learning experience, but it's meant to be hard. That is how we learn. The majority of our days should not automatically bring happiness. We are asked to work at it, to find happiness in small things, and to CHOOSE to be happy.  We are meant to sacrifice many things, to be tired at the end of the day, to feel sometimes like we're paddling upstream, and in the midst of all of this, recognize that we are learning, growing, and drawing nearer to the one who sacrificed everything for us. So right now, I'm okay that life isn't easy. I just may need to remind myself again tomorrow. :)

Do you know what this cute, pink, tiny cowboy boot means?

We'll be adding a sweet little cowgirl to our family!

Nate is thrilled, I'm scared, and Tayv is confused.

He wanted a girl SO badly but also decided that Tahnyon should get to have a little brother like he does. He also says I'm having a girl puppy since my belly isn't big enough to have a baby. :)

These poor, poor children.

Perhaps this is something I need to get used to but I feel SO sorry for Tahn and this baby. Tahn just doesn't get a whole lot of attention, has to grow up sooner, and is going to be the middle child. :( And this baby? Honestly, I'm so incredibly busy and overwhelmed that days go by without me even thinking about being pregnant. So... this is a post JUST for the baby. I just want to actually document that I'm pregnant. :) Tahn's will come soon.

-18 weeks
- 0 lbs gained, 5 lost
-I'm still sick often and rarely feel like eating. (SO different from my other pregnancies. :D)
-I get 4-5 headaches a week that just don't seem to be curable. Lucky for me, my Dr told me to try tylenol with caffeine this week to see if that will help. So I felt no guilt going to buy a 2 liter of my new love, cherry coke. But wouldn't you know, I haven't had a headache since. It sits in my pantry. Just waiting.
-Tayvin still doesn't really believe that I'm pregnant. He keeps saying my belly isn't big. :) See why I love this kid?
-We will find out in 2 1/2 weeks what the gender is. I hope for Tayvin's sake it's a girl.
-I feel the baby move often and Nate has felt it a couple times but it's still fairly weak.

SUCH an exciting post, I know. Perhaps in a few weeks it'll get more exciting....

On pregnancy...

I feel I'm in a lose-lose situation with this pregnancy (with the exception of the beautiful baby growing inside me that I will get to meet and hold in my arms of course.)  All I'm trying to do is be a good mom and wife. But this being growing inside me is making me so sick and emotional I can't be a good anything. Well, maybe good icy hot. :)

New News

There will be no cute way of announcing it this time cause frankly I feel like we JUST did this.  I'm pregnant. Due in March, a day before Tahn will be 18 months.
Crazy? Yes.
Coming regardless? Yes.
Stressed? Yes.
Will we survive? I certainly hope so.
There you have it-why I've been sick, emotional, lazy, and MIA.
BUT...  On the bright side....
Tayvin REALLY wants a sister (and Nate wants a girl.) I was informed of the Drano test. It says its a girl...we'll see.
I am out of my 1st trimester and finally starting to feel better. Just DON'T bring hamburgers around me, please! :)
Nate has given me permission to SPEND money if it's a girl!
Babies R Us is having a trade in sale which just happens to work perfectly since my infant car seat expires in January. (So run over there if you need baby gear!)
No more birthdays in the fall!!!

Just so you know....

Nate went back to school this week. (Ok, it was last week but Tayv was gone so it's been a bigger adjustment this week.) And Tayv will start school next week. I'm exhausted and the kids just want their daddy. So.... blog update to come... in two years or so. :)

I was a nanny for a family for over five years. But not just any family. They are by far one of the best families I've ever known. When I started working for them, the kids were 12, 9, & 7.  Their father had passed away just a year and a half before that but they were doing amazingly well.  Their mother had to travel a lot so I got to be with them for many evenings. I also lived in their basement apartment for five of those years so we got to be pretty close. The kids are Tayvin's 'cousins' and the mom is his aunt.  I saw the oldest start and finish Jr. High, start and finish High school, start his amazing running 'career,' excel in soccer, and start school at Dartmouth.  I saw K through a few years of elementary school, junior high, start high school, and begin HER amazing running career. She's almost 17 now! And the youngest, Peanut. I was there as he went through elementary school, junior high, started scouts, and is learning to drive.  I can't believe how fast they've grown. But as shocking as it is to me, what really amazes me is what a strong, tight-knit family they are.  I can't even count how many people they were close to that died while I was living there. And I can't even describe how strong and brave they were each time.
Just a few days ago, K's best friend died in a tragic accident and I know she's hurting. When I heard, all I wanted to do was go home and cry. Cry for her, for her loss, for all those who knew those that were in the accident, and cry because I know she's in a better place. There have been so many young people dying lately, I really feel like our Father in Heaven needs them and their noble spirits. I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have that there is life after death, that we can be with our family and friends again,  that our Father in Heaven loves us and doesn't give us more than we can handle, that our brother-our Savior- has felt EVERYTHING we've felt and is with us as we go through trials.
K-Our prayers are with you and I know you will make it through this! One day at a time, one hour at a time, it will start to hurt less and less. We love you!

13 miles and counting...

One day I hope to write a more lengthy, detailed version of this post but for now, since I'm on borrowed time, this will have to do.
It's been almost two weeks since we completed our half marathon and the euphoria still hasn't worn off.
I was a couple months pregnant and just getting into running again when I decided I would need a goal to get me back on track after I had the baby. Long story short, we ended up at Bear Lake on June 12th ready to run just over 13 miles. Ok, ready may be a bit of an overstatement. We really hadn't trained very consistently, I was throwing up the day before and had the worst stomach cramps I've ever experienced, and it was rainy. 
I had two goals for the race:
-finish under 3 hours (which is an immense amount of time, I realize. Please don't make fun of me.)
-run the entire way-NO WALKING!
 I DID IT!
I don't expect you to be as excited as I am about it. Heck, you don't even have to read this post if you don't want to. But I would suggest something like this to ANYONE. Aside from childbirth I've never done anything more enabling. Since I had Tahn, I've been toying with the idea of having my next baby without any medication since that's actually an option for me now. But honestly, I wasn't sure I could do it. After finishing that race, still standing, and thinking I could have made myself run a few more miles, I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. So if you happen to be looking for a little inspiration in your life, I recommend 13 miles and then some. :) For us, there will be many, many more.

P.S. Shot blocks are AMAZING. In case you were wondering.
P.P.S. And even more amazing is my sweet, sweet husband who slowed down so he could push me the entire way. Thanks Babe!

Overheard: A new one

2 weeks ago, our ward was split. So as you can imagine, there are a lot of new callings being issued.  And my sweet husband who is always willing to serve, was called to be the Young Men's president.  I'm choosing to completely leave out my opinion on it because my feelings haven't yet reached a level that I'm comfortable with.  But I will tell you this... before we went into church on Sunday, I sat in the car with Tayv so we could talk about what's happening in our lives.  We talked about the change of daddy going to school and how his new calling would mean that he'd be around even less. That while we thought we would have weekends with him, that may not be the case now.
 Tayv: "But won't we be sad?"
 Me: "Yah, we'll be sad but we'll also be happy too because we'll know that daddy is serving Heavenly Father and helping people."
 Tayv: "Yah that's true." And then, (very apprehensively) "Well, do you think we should get a new one?"
 Me: "A new what?"
 Tayv: "A new daddy."

I realize this sounds very sad. And it was, it made me cry. I debated whether or not I should tell Nate but when I did, he thought it was hilarious. I'm sure it made him a little sad but he insisted I post it here. 

And just in case you were wondering, there will be no new daddy getting around here.

Change

Our number one goal in moving to Utah (besides being closer to family for a little while) was for Nate to get his MBA.  Although it didn't turn out quite like we had planned,  we will acheive that goal... 4 years after we moved here.  Nate will be starting the Professional MBA program at the U this August. It was a hard decision for us to make, but especially Nate. For the first three years of our marriage, we were both in school. Then we lived in different states for a few months.  We had Tayvin just over a year after we got married. Thus, Nate missed the first two years of his life.  So you can understand why he wouldn't want to repeat that with Tahnyon and our next baby.  But it's what he loves, it's what he needs, and it will be good for us....in the end. I try not to think about the 80 plus hours a week he'll be gone, the dinners eaten alone, the fact that Tayv will attend preschool and kindergarten while Nate is away at school, the summers we'll enjoy while Nate is in class, the missed steps, words, and milestones of Tahn's, going through pregnancy alone, etc.
Instead, I picture Nate's face when he talks about school and that's all I need.