Today is one of those days I wish I drank. It's not a feeling I get too often. I messed up tonight-big time. I make mistakes all the time but this was one of those eat you up inside, can't stop crying, wish with everything you have that you could go back and change it. I'm one of those people who doesn't regret anything. I can always find something that was learned from a mistake and be glad that it happened so I could learn the lesson. And there was a lesson to be learned-I think. But I'd still take it back.  The worst part is, I was just trying to serve others and serve my Lord. So I'm not even sure if what I did was wrong-but it hurt so it must be, right?  And is it fair for me to hold others to the same high standards I try to hold myself to?
And my sweet, sweet, Tayvin.  It'd been a long day. I offered to take dinner to a lady that just moved in down the street a few weeks ago and had a baby last week. I burnt it.  I rarely cry, but that set me off-I was just trying to be nice. Tayv heard me crying. When he wouldn't take "for a lot of reasons" as the answer to his question of why I was sad, I told him because I burnt the dinner. "Don't worry mommy, I'll make it not burnt with my magic!" Then I let him come with me to deliver it and the whole way he kept saying, "Ok, so we'll take them this dinner and these cookies then you won't be sad anymore?" :)
Skip ahead several hours after I messed up royally- Tayvin caught me crying and just kept asking, "Mommy why are you sad?" He refused to get back in bed or do anything else until he knew.  I told him I was sad because I made a bad choice. I wasn't here when Tahn (who is sick) needed me, I wasn't here when daddy (who is also sick) needed to get some sleep and had to take care of the boys, and I wasn't here to see Tayvin's cool fort he built with daddy. His response? He covered my mouth so I couldn't cry anymore and told me, "Don't worry mommy, please don't be sad, I'll build another one for you to see tomorrow."  Why am I so blessed with such a sweet and forgiving little angel?

Some days...

Most days I feel like I have things put together. Except when...
-I look around and discover that in less than 24 hours my house has gone from exceptionally clean for having two children 3 and under to piles everywhere you look.
-I take Tayvin to the dentist to find out we were actually supposed to be flossing his (incredibly soft) teeth and we will now have to put him under in order to fix his seven cavities!
-I clean out the fridge to discover food that has been in there for at least 2 months.
-I see that Tayvin's chore list I printed in November has 4 days filled out.
-I think about the 5 loads of laundry I just did 3 days ago and then think about the 5 I have to do tomorrow.
-I look at the bathtub.
-I think of hospital bills.
-I look in the mirror.
-I look at my bank account.
-I go to my basement.
-I try to find something in my basement.
-I look at my inbox that now holds over 2500 unread email messages.
-I hear my child crying in bed because he doesn't want to go to sleep by himself tonight.
-I mourn the loss of the race I SO wanted to run this year.

And then feel like maybe I am doing something right when...
-I look at the pictures on the wall of my healthy, happy, beautiful children.
-I peek into the nursery to see my angel baby wrapped up and sleeping peacefully.
-I think of the laughter and smiles I was treated with from both of my sweet boys today.
-I realize how blessed I am to have insurance.
-I think of what my amazing husband said to me yesterday.
-I remember that everything we have, we have worked for.
-I think of our 401k (22% return this year, baby!)
-I think of all the unfortunate people who don't have homes to sleep in tonight while I am in my warm, beautiful home.
-I calculate the amount of money our education has cost us and how worth it every penny has been.
-I remember the feeling of contenment we have recognized almost on a daily basis.
-I attempt to calculate the value of being flexible and just choose a different race.
-I drink a glass of clean water, and know I can drink as much as I want.
-I remember that I am sealed to my family forever and nothing or nobody can take that away from me but me.

Lately...

What we spend our time doing...

Overheard-Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Nate is playing around with Tahn, making him box. Tayvin heard him tell Tahn, "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." And continued for him in the same sing-song voice. I can't remember them all but some of them were...
-moo like a cow
-swim like a shark
-eat like a fish
-swim like a croc
-fly like an owl
Love my boy!

At long last 2...

Since nobody wants to hear what I think and only wants to see pictures.... I didn't even bother.

At long last...

Overheard-Honolulu

We decided to watch a movie last night as a family. This doesn't happen very often because, go figure, Nate & Tayv can never agree on what to watch. So it went something like this...
Tayv: "These are your choices, Santa Clause is coming to Town or Little Drummer Boy."
Me: "I don't want either of those."
Tayv: "Well, these are the only ones I got so which do you choose?" (Can you tell we're a love & logic family-sorta?)
Me: "Neither. Get different ones please."
Tayv: "Ok, how about Santa Clause is coming to town?"
Nate: "How about, Santa went to Honolulu for 6 months?"
Tayv: "Sorry Dad, we don't have that one."

Overheard-Family Home Evening

This is by far one of my favorites.
Last night we had some things we needed to get done so we decided to do Family Home Evening tonight instead. While Nate & I were working on a few things, Tayvin made this phone call:
"Heavenly Father? Hello-are you going to come to our house tommorow for Family Home Evening? Oh you are? Good. And will Jesus come too? Oh, and how about the Holy Ghost? Ok, thank you for all coming to my house for Family Home Evening tomorrow. Love you-bye!"

I guess now the pressure's really on to make sure the spirit is here.

Overheard-Most important

Tayvin: "You are the most important person I've ever seen in the world. And do you know what? You guys are very kind to me too."

Well, I'm glad he thinks so. Wish I could have recorded that for when he's a teenager.

Overheard-Two sons

For the last two years, I've called Tayvin bubba-louie. I've always referred to it as a nickname but I guess it's more of a term of endearment because today I called Tahnyon bubba-louie. So I asked Tayvin if it's ok for me to have two bubba-louies. His response: "Yah, I guess so cause you already bought two. And once you have two sons, you can't sell 'em back."

And one more thing...

Whale or Mermaid?

Recently, in a large city in France , a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.


To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them ... where is IT? Therefore, they don't have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P..S.
We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, When I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨

Overheard-Crash

Being that Nate grew up in Alaska and his father's favorite way of teaching them to drive was to jerk the wheel while they were on ice and make them recover, Nate LOVES driving on snowy or icy roads. In fact, as long as there are no cars around, he usually uses his E-brake to turn around (much like a doughnut or 'cookie' for you Idahoans. So tonight we were out looking at Christmas lights when Nate needed to turn around. Of course he did it in true Nate fashion. And from the back seat... "Whoa! That was close-we almost crashed!"
That's how I used to feel buddy, that's how I used to feel.

Overheard-That's how we do.

I won't give you all the details but here's the bare minimum...
Tayv was getting his clothes back on after he went potty and I overheard him say, "We're the (insert our last name here,) that's just what we do." Of course, I didn't hear the first part so I had to ask what the __________s do. Apparently, they (I do not count myself here because I'm not blood) "just take off their socks with their pants and only wear their unders and shirt." :) I do assure you that Nate is fully clothed when he's running around the house. But according to Tayv, that's how we do.

Overheard:Santa's list

I promise pictures will be coming soon! In the meantime,
Tahn was crying while I was trying to get Tayv some lunch today because he was hungry too. Tayv looked up from his coloring and said in the most casual voice...
"Hey, you think Santa's gonna put baby on the naughty list?"
:)

Overheard: Bull riding

Tayvin playing on his 'bull' aka hopper ball...
"If ya just keep ridin' around, the bull can't buck you off. And so it just keeps giving you piggy-back rides."
So bull riders, just keep riding around and he won't buck you off. Sounds simple enough to me.