Today is one of those days I wish I drank. It's not a feeling I get too often. I messed up tonight-big time. I make mistakes all the time but this was one of those eat you up inside, can't stop crying, wish with everything you have that you could go back and change it. I'm one of those people who doesn't regret anything. I can always find something that was learned from a mistake and be glad that it happened so I could learn the lesson. And there was a lesson to be learned-I think. But I'd still take it back.  The worst part is, I was just trying to serve others and serve my Lord. So I'm not even sure if what I did was wrong-but it hurt so it must be, right?  And is it fair for me to hold others to the same high standards I try to hold myself to?
And my sweet, sweet, Tayvin.  It'd been a long day. I offered to take dinner to a lady that just moved in down the street a few weeks ago and had a baby last week. I burnt it.  I rarely cry, but that set me off-I was just trying to be nice. Tayv heard me crying. When he wouldn't take "for a lot of reasons" as the answer to his question of why I was sad, I told him because I burnt the dinner. "Don't worry mommy, I'll make it not burnt with my magic!" Then I let him come with me to deliver it and the whole way he kept saying, "Ok, so we'll take them this dinner and these cookies then you won't be sad anymore?" :)
Skip ahead several hours after I messed up royally- Tayvin caught me crying and just kept asking, "Mommy why are you sad?" He refused to get back in bed or do anything else until he knew.  I told him I was sad because I made a bad choice. I wasn't here when Tahn (who is sick) needed me, I wasn't here when daddy (who is also sick) needed to get some sleep and had to take care of the boys, and I wasn't here to see Tayvin's cool fort he built with daddy. His response? He covered my mouth so I couldn't cry anymore and told me, "Don't worry mommy, please don't be sad, I'll build another one for you to see tomorrow."  Why am I so blessed with such a sweet and forgiving little angel?


Julia said...

Oh I hope today is a better day for you! None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes sometimes! Remember the reason why Tayvin was so sweet about it, is because you taught him how to be that way!

Dean and Rachel said...

Hang in there! We have all done things we totally regret later! You have an adorable little family that LOVES you:)

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435-671-0779 or email me