Reflection

Yesterday I spent most of the day just fighting back tears.  As I was cleaning my kitchen for what seemed like the umpteenth time in the last week, I was starting to lose the battle with these blasted emotions. 
And then I...
- Looked up at this sweet face waiting so patiently in his high chair for me to wash his hands.

 -Remembered my resolve to make sure my attitude was one that my Father in Heaven would be pleased with. One that I would want my children to imitate on a regular basis.
-Thought about the service, however small, I've been able to render recently.
-Smiled at the good report I received from Tayvin's teacher today.
-Heard my husband coming down the stairs and thought about how grateful I am that we got to eat dinner with him.
-Heard music in the background and let myself sing.
-Felt the warmth on my feet and was overwhelmed with gratitude for a warm home.
-Felt one tiny baby kick my bladder and ran to the bathroom grateful for running water.

And again, I was amazed. Amazed by the blessings in my life, the fact that my entire evening was changed by a few moments of reflection, and how much my Father in Heaven loves me.

Do you know what this cute, pink, tiny cowboy boot means?

We'll be adding a sweet little cowgirl to our family!

Nate is thrilled, I'm scared, and Tayv is confused.

He wanted a girl SO badly but also decided that Tahnyon should get to have a little brother like he does. He also says I'm having a girl puppy since my belly isn't big enough to have a baby. :)

Grateful

I've been thinking lately about how differently our attitudes affect the outcome of situations and how they affect our view on our lives. So I've been working on my attitude. :) Since I don't write in my journal, I'll be documenting here my feelings and most especially the things I'm grateful for...

Today, I am grateful for these sweet spirits that my Father in Heaven has entrusted me with and for all that I've learned from the amazing experience of being a mother.  I'm also grateful for the sweet baby that is on it's way to our family.

My Tahn Man

This little guy is going to get the best of me... he's such a little funny monkey. Literally. He's a monkey. Here are just a few of the things I love about him....

• He thinks he can walk on window sills.
• When he goes down the stairs he puts his feet down then spreads his body out and slides down as fast as possible.
• He knows what a ghost, horse, cow, and dog say. But the funny part is that he does all the noises with his mouth completely closed.
• He consistently uses/says more, please, and done correctly.
• He says da-da, brother, Tayvin, out, mommy, uh-uh, and grandpa.
• He takes his pants off after he poops EVERYTIME.
• When he blows kisses, he covers the bottom half of his face.
• He will do absolutely anything for his idol Tayvin.
• He folds his hands, half-way bows his head, and tries to say amen when we pray.
• Nobody can make him laugh like his daddy.
• He is FULL of grins when I go get him out of his crib.
• He tries to carry on conversations.
• He gets so proud of himself for standing on his own and throws his hands up in the air.
• When he's tired, he crawls upstairs, tries to crawl into his crib, and puts himself to sleep.
• He says yay when we go outside.  

I. LOVE. THIS. KID.

Overheard: Girlfriend

Tayvin has a girlfriend. He thinks. :)
He's always telling me about a girl that goes to his preschool and how she wears her hair, etc. Here are a few of the conversations recently....

T: "Mom, do you know what A is being for Halloween? A nice pirate!"
            Background: Tayv has been obsessed with pirates for quite some time and has been asking to be a pirate for halloween. 
            However, he asks to be many other things so this year I chose his costume to eliminate 15 costume changes and a lot of
            last minute stress.
M: "Oh! Is that why you've wanted to be a pirate so badly?"
T: (With the cutest sheepish grin I've ever seen,) "Yah, mom, I really like A."


With an incredible amount of excitement....
T: "Mom, guess what the best thing about preschool was today!"
M: "What?"
T: "I got to sit by A A LOT today!"

And here's the problem with all of this.... The mommy in me is already getting protective of his tender little heart and swearing that she can't be good enough for him. Really, Stacia? Really.

Overheard: Love

Tayvin has been arguing with me a lot lately. And if you've seen me with him, you know I don't put up with it. But here's the problem: He argues with me about who loves who more. :) This is how it went yesterday....

T: "Mom, I love you so much!"
M: "I love you too dude."
T: "But I love you more!"
M: "I don't think so. A mommy loves her kids A LOT!"
T: " But I love you forever."
M: "But I love you forever ever."
T: "I love you through and through."
M: "Oh yah?"
T: "Yah, through and through and through and through."
M: "Wow! That is a lot. But I think I still love you more."
T: "Mom, I love you so much, I'd even love you if you got eaten by a chicken."

:)

Just because I want to remember these....

Tayv is growing up so fast! There's not much baby or even little boy left to him (duh, you say, since he is four now!) But there are still things he says every now and then that make me smile realizing he's not quite as grown up as he thinks he is....

-Ra-moon (Maroon)
-The Headerless horseman
-"Hey mom, Dasagna starts with D!" (Well actually Tayv, it's LASAGNA so it starts with an L)
-I am'nt

These poor, poor children.

Perhaps this is something I need to get used to but I feel SO sorry for Tahn and this baby. Tahn just doesn't get a whole lot of attention, has to grow up sooner, and is going to be the middle child. :( And this baby? Honestly, I'm so incredibly busy and overwhelmed that days go by without me even thinking about being pregnant. So... this is a post JUST for the baby. I just want to actually document that I'm pregnant. :) Tahn's will come soon.

-18 weeks
- 0 lbs gained, 5 lost
-I'm still sick often and rarely feel like eating. (SO different from my other pregnancies. :D)
-I get 4-5 headaches a week that just don't seem to be curable. Lucky for me, my Dr told me to try tylenol with caffeine this week to see if that will help. So I felt no guilt going to buy a 2 liter of my new love, cherry coke. But wouldn't you know, I haven't had a headache since. It sits in my pantry. Just waiting.
-Tayvin still doesn't really believe that I'm pregnant. He keeps saying my belly isn't big. :) See why I love this kid?
-We will find out in 2 1/2 weeks what the gender is. I hope for Tayvin's sake it's a girl.
-I feel the baby move often and Nate has felt it a couple times but it's still fairly weak.

SUCH an exciting post, I know. Perhaps in a few weeks it'll get more exciting....

On pregnancy...

I feel I'm in a lose-lose situation with this pregnancy (with the exception of the beautiful baby growing inside me that I will get to meet and hold in my arms of course.)  All I'm trying to do is be a good mom and wife. But this being growing inside me is making me so sick and emotional I can't be a good anything. Well, maybe good icy hot. :)

Happy Birthday you.

I don't do b-day posts. Just so you know. Today is the exception. But it still won't be mushy. :)

Happy birthday babe, I'm SO glad you were born!!!

From Tayv: "I wish that you could be here for your party today cause I would love to see you at your party. It's a bummer we don't get to see you. Happy Birthday and.... and.... happy birthday party. I miss you!"

From Tahn: "Da-da! Da-da! Hi!"

New News

There will be no cute way of announcing it this time cause frankly I feel like we JUST did this.  I'm pregnant. Due in March, a day before Tahn will be 18 months.
Crazy? Yes.
Coming regardless? Yes.
Stressed? Yes.
Will we survive? I certainly hope so.
There you have it-why I've been sick, emotional, lazy, and MIA.
BUT...  On the bright side....
Tayvin REALLY wants a sister (and Nate wants a girl.) I was informed of the Drano test. It says its a girl...we'll see.
I am out of my 1st trimester and finally starting to feel better. Just DON'T bring hamburgers around me, please! :)
Nate has given me permission to SPEND money if it's a girl!
Babies R Us is having a trade in sale which just happens to work perfectly since my infant car seat expires in January. (So run over there if you need baby gear!)
No more birthdays in the fall!!!

Overheard: Visor

Back before 2 years... look at me go! Pictures of Tayv's 1st day of preschool to come but for now....

Tayvin: "Jenna, is this M's hat?"
Jenna: "No, it's mine."
Tayvin: "Oh. Well, it's not really a hat. It kinda is but without a roof."

Just so you know....

Nate went back to school this week. (Ok, it was last week but Tayv was gone so it's been a bigger adjustment this week.) And Tayv will start school next week. I'm exhausted and the kids just want their daddy. So.... blog update to come... in two years or so. :)

I was a nanny for a family for over five years. But not just any family. They are by far one of the best families I've ever known. When I started working for them, the kids were 12, 9, & 7.  Their father had passed away just a year and a half before that but they were doing amazingly well.  Their mother had to travel a lot so I got to be with them for many evenings. I also lived in their basement apartment for five of those years so we got to be pretty close. The kids are Tayvin's 'cousins' and the mom is his aunt.  I saw the oldest start and finish Jr. High, start and finish High school, start his amazing running 'career,' excel in soccer, and start school at Dartmouth.  I saw K through a few years of elementary school, junior high, start high school, and begin HER amazing running career. She's almost 17 now! And the youngest, Peanut. I was there as he went through elementary school, junior high, started scouts, and is learning to drive.  I can't believe how fast they've grown. But as shocking as it is to me, what really amazes me is what a strong, tight-knit family they are.  I can't even count how many people they were close to that died while I was living there. And I can't even describe how strong and brave they were each time.
Just a few days ago, K's best friend died in a tragic accident and I know she's hurting. When I heard, all I wanted to do was go home and cry. Cry for her, for her loss, for all those who knew those that were in the accident, and cry because I know she's in a better place. There have been so many young people dying lately, I really feel like our Father in Heaven needs them and their noble spirits. I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have that there is life after death, that we can be with our family and friends again,  that our Father in Heaven loves us and doesn't give us more than we can handle, that our brother-our Savior- has felt EVERYTHING we've felt and is with us as we go through trials.
K-Our prayers are with you and I know you will make it through this! One day at a time, one hour at a time, it will start to hurt less and less. We love you!

Question....

How wrong is it to turn up the music so that I can't hear my children?